BoiseSunshine

Today I am a vile man...

2008-12-02T08:38:00.000-08:00

Dear Harris,

I am not proud of today's actions
and I've spent the last six weeks
attempting to circumnavigate
the writing of this blog.

I am morally opposed to what I am
doing today. I find it repugnant.

This man trusted me with a secret
and unburdened his heart and now
I will betray that trust.

I did not ask for this secret nor did
I agree to the trust.

AFTER TELLING ME..
He asked that I not share his secret.
I said I couldn't see myself sharing
his secret, that he was labeled a
pedophile.

Despite my personal disapproval
of what I'm doing today, I can't now
not see myself publicizing the name
of a pedophile.

Some readers are angry that I could learn
this label and not share it sooner.
These readers scare me and are the
reason I am a vile man today,
because nobody deserves their
wrath.

I disturb a man's life today, a man
who has paid far more to society
than I think he owed.

He's called me homophobic, which I am.

When I was 14 I traded letting Petter Pitt
kiss my penis in order to get booked at
night at The Magic Castle. That was a business
deal of a desperate talented young magician.

Perhaps being propositioned by an
irresistible offer has left me homophobic.

I wish I had handled things differently.
I didn't know much how the world worked.
I know I DID the best I knew how.

So did Petter Pitt, god bless his soul. That's
a joke, he was an atheist. But you may not
find this a time for jokes. No gallows humor.

Maybe I am just a sick puppy that will enjoy
watching Paulie Sabol suffer.

I don't like to think of myself that way. Doesn't
feel very Jesus like.

You can speculate why. You may Harris choose
not to be my friend today. I'll be hurt, and I'll
understand.

Sure I've wondered in 23 circles why I'm
calling Paulie Sabol out on his self-described
darkest secret.

Perhaps this is a rationalization,
but I think my homophobia has little
to do with today's indiscretion of mine.

He'll call me crazy. I am that, too.

I'm even an unconvicted pedophile having
been 19 when I slept with a 16 year old.

So I really think the negative stigma is bullshit
and I know its very real Harris.

His story is not mine to share.

I happen to think that whatever happened
was only made traumatic by the legal court
system.

So why am I smearing this mans face?

Because he backed me into a corner
and I said this would happen if he
didn't do what I saw as right.

It is entirely my fault that I'm in the nonplus
complication I am in.

I partnered with 2 folks and I let them two
handle all the money.

I have never once seen any financial
accounting records for Guerrilla
Information Marketing, neither
the home-study course or the
book project.

Friends and Colleagues came into
Guerrilla Information Marketing
because of me. If you paid by credit
card, please attempt a charge-back.

I found myself compromising my values
to try and get the squeaky wheels their
money back.

They'll accuse me of changing the rules.
That's what Josh accused of us at the
beginning and now I see Josh as correct.

Kevin Wilke told me to be careful with whom
I partner. I didn't know he and his partner
played secrets games in the dark... now
you see money, now you don't.

Now we're making a clickbank, now we're not.
Now we're friends, and now we're not.

I want to stop playing games with these people.

I found myself attempting to change the
rules for a few of my friends, to get just
their money back. Then a friend gave me
the psychic kick to the side of the head
I needed and said that the situation was
FUBAR. I was a being an elitist dick for
trying to get specific friends their money
back.

Paulie Sabol & Donna Fox will say that there
is no money. Okay. It would be easier to believe
if I ever saw any kind of accounting.

I know some co-authors will want to move
forward, have their name on a Jay Conrad
Levinson book is easily worth $4k.

And if folks want their money back, they should
get it. That's where I'm righteous.

I'm also pissed that Paulie Sabol would tell
me that he is a sex offender and then freak
out that he told me. Then Paulie needed to
speak with me 2-3 times a week about the
status of our relationship. I would ask Paulie
not to touch me while he spoke & he appeared
to increase his need to touch my shoulders and
my person.

I don't think this is homophobic of me. I think
this is me being pissed that a predator doesn't
back off.

I'm sure my politics differ from almost everybody
reading this blog. I'm more likely to fight for gay
rights than most. I'd prefer social rights that treat
everybody as equals outside of property rights.

I'm in favor of more corruption laws and fewer if any
laws on anything moral.

I'm against predatory lending.

I'm against the predatory behavior of the United States
that some call imperialistic while others call patriotic.

I'm against the predatory touchy-feely behavior of
Paulie Sabol.

I was grateful for the free rent in his 4-plex. I had an
apartment. I was grateful Paulie lived elsewhere.
I'm grateful I now live in Boise.

Paulie accused me of not being real with him.

Paulie, i don't speak however it was you expected
me to be real. This is real, right? We can all agree
on that.

I don't care what you did in the past, it appears to
me as criminal what you are doing now.

I don't dislike you because you're gay; I dislike you
because your act predatory.

This is how I defend myself. I bring the conversation
into the public instead of the convoluted weirdness
you asked me to agree to in private.

Would you say the world is a better place for your visit?

When we play for global stakes it makes moves
like this negligible. I was wasting too much energy
on untangling myself.

I play this chip because I said I would.

I play this chip so the next pedophile knows I will tell.

I play this chip so folks don't tell me secrets that before hand
I agree I won't tell. I don't like knowing somebody was a child
prodigy Scientologist clear at age 12 or a pedophile.

I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THESE THINGS.

I play this chip because I had no other
leverage that I saw.

I play this chip only after fore-mention and
clear statement of terms.

I suggested a divorce attorney because
they are accustomed to righteous folks.

I can't negotiate with you because I haven't even
seen any financials. That's just absurd.

You can call me a rule changer, you can call me crazy,
you can call me homophobic, and I can call you a
pedophile.

And because of laws I disagree with
anybody can look you up.

Make no mistake about it, I have a league of friends
to watch my back.

The first casualty of private meetings is a semblance
of truth.

So Paulie, I'm sorry I had to get this off my chest.

You were right when you questioned whether
or not you should trust me, with as you put it,
your deepest, darkest secret. Turns out you
shouldn't of trusted me.

Or, was this one of your tweaked games, and
a passive-aggressive way of you coming clean?

Whatever it is, pedophile is a bell once struck difficult
to unring. Good luck with that.

I won't be on The Internet Marketers Cruise.

That is an event Paulie Sabol produces and
I won't feel right at his party.

To the energetically sensitive, I'm sorry to entrain
you to my blind determinism of doing what i say.

When I get serious about doing what I say,
I find I get more literal with saying what
I intend to do. Its a reciprocating torus.

I was thinking too much about the complications
Paulie brought into my life starting the week
after he told me he was a pedophile.

If this hadn't fucked with my life so much
I wouldn't be fucking with yours right now.

This is the rationalization I'm feeding myself
as I press PUBLISH POST.

Be here now,

Ben

This is not a game.

2008-11-15T06:19:00.000-08:00

Ben,

First off a hearty congratulations on election 2008.

While there is much to condemn in our one party
system, generally positive things happened.

Second, I want to lay out a context to assist you.

To say I was flabbergasted when in a list of
refund requests I saw the names Dan and Joshua
could be an understatement.

What it suggested to me was a state change I
feel an imperative to help you resist.

Third, I want to spend just a small amount of time
reconstructing the timeline and offering some
suggestion on how to best get things done.

Shall we begin?

I have nothing more to say about the elections
as they don’t even go into effect until Jan 20 J

Though I will say it’s telling that something which
took nearly 2 year and more money than any
similar task will take another 70 days to get off
the ground…and then…we’re being told by the
one we chose that …

…even though the revolution of HOPE and of
CHANGE has come, for the next four years
….nothing may get better.

It’s an apt metaphor to remember that some-
times things get so messed up that no amount
of intentions, campaigning or hope / dream
will change the conditions in the short term.

Second, I want to remind you of something
which happened to and among other of our
friends…

You were hired as a consultant for that online
radio program with the help of Bill Hibbler.

The agreement was structured with payments
After the first payment, the party said your
services were no longer needed and a request
was made for a refund.

You expressed that from your perspective,
and all the more because you passed on other
opportunities (ie had a real cost / damage)
that not only was nothing to be returned, but
more…the remainder was still due.

While those who owed you didn’t see it this
way, you did that great demonstration at the
“UnSeminar” where more or less the whole
objective room agreed with you. That is,
they agreed that you still owed all to the
person you hired to listen to you even though
you “released” them of continued services.

It is this context on which to reset in experiencing
our state on this project.

And while I agree there are some added or
useful considerations because there are
multiple independent parties who are set back
by the actions of other parties, …

…there is at this point not ONE person who
has done as agreed.

In fact, there was ONE, and she’s been fully
relieved and is financially whole.

When I saw you add in the names of Joshua
and Dan, I knew something happened and
I can only speculate. But all in all, what happened
was you were harmed by other’s and I suspect

For diverse reasons “turned”

NOW, there are some other people who are
in at least various levels of “wrong”

And before talking about others, let me talk
about us internally.

And this brings us to “the third” talking point.

Ben, I have suffered from a kind of ambivalent
rigidity. Let me give you a specific:

I’ve noticed in say 3 or more occasions you’ve
mentioned not “seeing” the accounting…

…in my sense more recent examples of this
seem to have almost descended into a kind of

Accusation attached to the fact.

What’s weird is interpretation. I thought
you were mentioning this fact as if to say it
is part of an admission…

…I can’t know all our options as I’m not in that
part.

You see, Ben, I told Donna several times that
you didn’t want to be a part of that. She had
suggested bringing you into conversations and
I dissuaded her…

…my thoughts, which may or may not have been
right, was if you had changed your desires and
wanted to be in the accounting/finance side
you would have asked.

I now think you may have been “asking” in a
passive way. In the spirit of disclosure, I now
consider you may have been asking more
recently in a passive-aggressive way.

In fact, Donna and I were going to present
to you the accounting at our Chicago/Singapore
meetings…

…but as you know there were challenges
there…

Now, however, even if you have not changed
your position and you still want to be out of
the accounting area, I request you join it in
at a cursory level for three reasons:

1) It’s harming you: For example, Big Mike,
who is one of those interesting cases…

...never paid as agreed, and when he
finally paid something (very late) he paid
not the $7,500 he charged you…rather
$5,000 (and this can be determined by
connecting to the accounting in even a
small way) – Something we should do
together (or at least have done on your
behalf) before you accept less than you
should (should it be that way).

Another example, would be Josh and
Dan – who these two who really became
my main “sticking points” on your behalf
to see them listed as people you want to
relieve showed me just how much you’re
being bullied.

2) It’s harming us all: People are using
the division of knowledge to divide US.

3) We need a unified and realistic solution.
And that solution affords us less division
not only of the basic accounting but also
the basic production and distribution, as
well as, the basic messaging to anyone
else who has a legitimate request to
knowing what we’re doing (ie, Frank B).

Now, with regard to the next steps. I would like
you to embrace stepping up and taking a full role.

Resist stipulation.

And let’s do it as soon as Donna returns from
London after Sing and Malasia.

And then let’s get back to getting the word out
to everyone on their status and our direction.

Bye for now,

Paulie Sabol

PS On a personal note. This will be turned
into a win.

Subject: hello

2008-10-19T22:03:00.000-07:00

Hi There,
May I first off say you sound like an amazing man, unfortunately I can also tell that we would not be a match. ( I wouldn't be mentally challenging enough for you)LOL. After reading your profile I felt I needed to send this. I found your words very refreshing and very real, I guess I just wanted to say Thank You for that. Honestly your words gave me some hope in the people that are in this world. That people are still looking with-in themselves and doing what needs to be done! I applaud you for speaking from your heart and speaking the truth. I can tell by your words you have an incredible heart and mind and I hope this world acknowledges you for that with Love. Good Luck to you, may you find what your looking for!

Thank you Sunshine... You brought Sunshine into my heart today. I love that. Yes, this world is acknowledging me for my love... and I am better learning to take care and to take what I deserve.