Today I am a vile man...

Dear Harris,

I am not proud of today's actions
and I've spent the last six weeks
attempting to circumnavigate
the writing of this blog.

I am morally opposed to what I am
doing today. I find it repugnant.

This man trusted me with a secret
and unburdened his heart and now
I will betray that trust.

I did not ask for this secret nor did
I agree to the trust.

AFTER TELLING ME..
He asked that I not share his secret.
I said I couldn't see myself sharing
his secret, that he was labeled a
pedophile.

Despite my personal disapproval
of what I'm doing today, I can't now
not see myself publicizing the name
of a pedophile.

Some readers are angry that I could learn
this label and not share it sooner.
These readers scare me and are the
reason I am a vile man today,
because nobody deserves their
wrath.

I disturb a man's life today, a man
who has paid far more to society
than I think he owed.

He's called me homophobic, which I am.

When I was 14 I traded letting Petter Pitt
kiss my penis in order to get booked at
night at The Magic Castle. That was a business
deal of a desperate talented young magician.

Perhaps being propositioned by an
irresistible offer has left me homophobic.

I wish I had handled things differently.
I didn't know much how the world worked.
I know I DID the best I knew how.

So did Petter Pitt, god bless his soul. That's
a joke, he was an atheist. But you may not
find this a time for jokes. No gallows humor.

Maybe I am just a sick puppy that will enjoy
watching Paulie Sabol suffer.

I don't like to think of myself that way. Doesn't
feel very Jesus like.

You can speculate why. You may Harris choose
not to be my friend today. I'll be hurt, and I'll
understand.

Sure I've wondered in 23 circles why I'm
calling Paulie Sabol out on his self-described
darkest secret.

Perhaps this is a rationalization,
but I think my homophobia has little
to do with today's indiscretion of mine.

He'll call me crazy. I am that, too.

I'm even an unconvicted pedophile having
been 19 when I slept with a 16 year old.

So I really think the negative stigma is bullshit
and I know its very real Harris.

His story is not mine to share.

I happen to think that whatever happened
was only made traumatic by the legal court
system.

So why am I smearing this mans face?

Because he backed me into a corner
and I said this would happen if he
didn't do what I saw as right.

It is entirely my fault that I'm in the nonplus
complication I am in.

I partnered with 2 folks and I let them two
handle all the money.

I have never once seen any financial
accounting records for Guerrilla
Information Marketing, neither
the home-study course or the
book project.

Friends and Colleagues came into
Guerrilla Information Marketing
because of me. If you paid by credit
card, please attempt a charge-back.

I found myself compromising my values
to try and get the squeaky wheels their
money back.

They'll accuse me of changing the rules.
That's what Josh accused of us at the
beginning and now I see Josh as correct.

Kevin Wilke told me to be careful with whom
I partner. I didn't know he and his partner
played secrets games in the dark... now
you see money, now you don't.

Now we're making a clickbank, now we're not.
Now we're friends, and now we're not.

I want to stop playing games with these people.

I found myself attempting to change the
rules for a few of my friends, to get just
their money back. Then a friend gave me
the psychic kick to the side of the head
I needed and said that the situation was
FUBAR. I was a being an elitist dick for
trying to get specific friends their money
back.

Paulie Sabol & Donna Fox will say that there
is no money. Okay. It would be easier to believe
if I ever saw any kind of accounting.

I know some co-authors will want to move
forward, have their name on a Jay Conrad
Levinson book is easily worth $4k.

And if folks want their money back, they should
get it. That's where I'm righteous.

I'm also pissed that Paulie Sabol would tell
me that he is a sex offender and then freak
out that he told me. Then Paulie needed to
speak with me 2-3 times a week about the
status of our relationship. I would ask Paulie
not to touch me while he spoke & he appeared
to increase his need to touch my shoulders and
my person.

I don't think this is homophobic of me. I think
this is me being pissed that a predator doesn't
back off.

I'm sure my politics differ from almost everybody
reading this blog. I'm more likely to fight for gay
rights than most. I'd prefer social rights that treat
everybody as equals outside of property rights.

I'm in favor of more corruption laws and fewer if any
laws on anything moral.

I'm against predatory lending.

I'm against the predatory behavior of the United States
that some call imperialistic while others call patriotic.

I'm against the predatory touchy-feely behavior of
Paulie Sabol.

I was grateful for the free rent in his 4-plex. I had an
apartment. I was grateful Paulie lived elsewhere.
I'm grateful I now live in Boise.

Paulie accused me of not being real with him.

Paulie, i don't speak however it was you expected
me to be real. This is real, right? We can all agree
on that.

I don't care what you did in the past, it appears to
me as criminal what you are doing now.

I don't dislike you because you're gay; I dislike you
because your act predatory.

This is how I defend myself. I bring the conversation
into the public instead of the convoluted weirdness
you asked me to agree to in private.

Would you say the world is a better place for your visit?

When we play for global stakes it makes moves
like this negligible. I was wasting too much energy
on untangling myself.

I play this chip because I said I would.

I play this chip so the next pedophile knows I will tell.

I play this chip so folks don't tell me secrets that before hand
I agree I won't tell. I don't like knowing somebody was a child
prodigy Scientologist clear at age 12 or a pedophile.

I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THESE THINGS.

I play this chip because I had no other
leverage that I saw.

I play this chip only after fore-mention and
clear statement of terms.

I suggested a divorce attorney because
they are accustomed to righteous folks.

I can't negotiate with you because I haven't even
seen any financials. That's just absurd.

You can call me a rule changer, you can call me crazy,
you can call me homophobic, and I can call you a
pedophile.

And because of laws I disagree with
anybody can look you up.

Make no mistake about it, I have a league of friends
to watch my back.

The first casualty of private meetings is a semblance
of truth.

So Paulie, I'm sorry I had to get this off my chest.

You were right when you questioned whether
or not you should trust me, with as you put it,
your deepest, darkest secret. Turns out you
shouldn't of trusted me.

Or, was this one of your tweaked games, and
a passive-aggressive way of you coming clean?

Whatever it is, pedophile is a bell once struck difficult
to unring. Good luck with that.

I won't be on The Internet Marketers Cruise.

That is an event Paulie Sabol produces and
I won't feel right at his party.

To the energetically sensitive, I'm sorry to entrain
you to my blind determinism of doing what i say.

When I get serious about doing what I say,
I find I get more literal with saying what
I intend to do. Its a reciprocating torus.

I was thinking too much about the complications
Paulie brought into my life starting the week
after he told me he was a pedophile.

If this hadn't fucked with my life so much
I wouldn't be fucking with yours right now.

This is the rationalization I'm feeding myself
as I press PUBLISH POST.

Be here now,

Ben